Why We Need to Let Boys Cry
6-30-24 | By Shelley Flannery | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
What Is Trauma Bonding?
A comprehensive guide to understanding trauma bonding
August 1, 2025 | By Amanda Kipper | Published by: domesticshelters.org
Imagine that you’re with a partner who’s abusive. They’re degrading you verbally, they’re playing psychological mind tricks, they’re gaslighting you into doubting your own memories and they’re even using violence, or threatening violence, in order to scare you.
Yet, you feel a pull to stay with them. You feel bad for them—they had a rough childhood, are dealing with mental illness or addiction, or they’re promising to change. READ MORE>>>
When They’re Not Ready for Help
How to help someone trapped in a cycle of abuse, even if it seems like they’re not ready to hear it
July 1, 2025 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by: domesticshelters.org
Maybe this sounds familiar: A friend, family member or coworker tells you that they’re not exactly happy in their current relationship. You ask what’s going on, like the caring person you are, and they begin to describe to you what sounds like abuse. Their partner is controlling or constantly jealous. They often put down your friend, call her names or make little comments that degrade her self-esteem. READ MORE>>>
What Does Adult Protective Services Do?
June 1, 2025 | By Shelley Flannery | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
Most people are familiar with state Child Protective Services, the folks that investigate claims of child abuse, neglect and exploitation. Adult Protective Services (APS) does the same for vulnerable adults 18 and older. These state-run agencies can be instrumental in assisting vulnerable adults escape domestic abuse. READ MORE>>>
Does Anger Management Really Stop Domestic Violence?
May 1, 2025 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by: domesticshelters.org
Key Takeaways:
- Anger management may not address the root cause of domestic violence: Experts argue that domestic violence is often rooted in power, control and cultural influences, rather than just anger. Anger management focuses on controlling emotional outbursts but does not address deeper issues like past trauma, entitlement or misogyny that fuel abusive behavior. READ MORE>>>
Is It OK to Step Away from a Survivor of Domestic Violence?
Helping a friend or family member who is a victim of domestic abuse can wear you out. You may need to take a break to care for yourself.
3-1-25 | By Lisa Aronson Fontes, PhD | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
It is incredibly frustrating to see a friend or family member be targeted by an abuser. Maybe your friend or loved one has broken away but then returned to a person who you know is controlling, emotionally abusive or physically dangerous. To an outsider, it can seem clear that a victim of abuse should “Just leave.” READ MORE>>>
6 Questions to Help You Escape Abuse and Find a Safe Place
Feb. 01, 2024 | By Shelley Flannery | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
You’ve decided you need to leave an abusive partner. But if you’re sharing a home, this can feel especially daunting as you’ll have to figure out where to go. Uprooting your life, even temporarily, is no small feat. But you know that your safety and, if children are involved, their safety, is of the utmost importance. READ MORE>>>
What Makes People Choose to Abuse?
1-1-25 | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
Let’s look at an alarming dichotomy for a second: Abusive partners inflict violence on an astounding 1.3 million women in the U.S. each year. If you add in rape and stalking to that number, and count male victims as well, that stat rises to more than 12 million individuals who have been victimized by their partner in the course of a year. READ MORE>>>
5 Signs of Normal Jealousy vs the Start of Domestic Abuse
How to tell the difference in your relationship
10-31-24 | Published by DomesticShelters.org
Most, if not all of us, have felt jealousy at some point in our lives. Many of us may also be familiar with the negative effects jealousy can have in relationships. Hopefully, we are able to find healthy ways to communicate with our partner when we do feel jealous. READ MORE>>>
What Is Grooming and How to Spot It
10-1-24 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
Kimberly met her abusive partner when she was 18. She endured three years of verbal abuse and escalating violence before narrowly escaping with her life.
Marielle met her abusive husband at 19. He swept her off her feet, she says. But soon after they married, he began sexually abusing her on a near-daily basis. READ MORE>>>
How to Spot a Signal for Help, and How to Respond
August 31, 2024 | By Allison Thomas | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
Help is available for survivors of abuse, but it isn’t always easy (or even possible) to reach out when they need it the most. For example, calling a hotline or even the police aren’t options if a survivor is being closely monitored by an abuser. This has been especially true amid pandemic lockdowns, where many survivors and abusers are not leaving home for work or social gatherings, and it’s precisely why a covert new way to call for help has arisen in the last few months. READ MORE>>>
The Silent Treatment: An Abuser’s Controlling Tactic
7-31-24 | By Lisa Aronson | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
Refusing to listen, talk or respond to a partner is sometimes called “the silent treatment” or “hostile withholding.” Many abusers cut off their partners emotionally to hurt, punish or control them. Some abusers even refuse to acknowledge their partners’ existence for hours, days or weeks on end, making the partners feel as if they are somehow less than human-like a ghost: READ MORE>>>
Don’t cry. Walk it off. Man up.
These common phrases can be heard at the playground, on the football field and in our backyards, and they’re usually directed at boys. But it’s not just men hurling them. In a survey by SheKnows, 76 percent of men and 84 percent of women admitted to using such phrases as “man up” and “you throw like a girl.” READ MORE>>>
Breaking the Cycle of Teen Dating Violence
5-31-24 | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
In late 2006, Phoenix, Ariz., high school student Kaitlyn Marie Sudberry, known to friends and family as Kaity, began dating a young man. For six months or so the relationship seemed healthy. But over time he became jealous and possessive, accusing her of lying and cheating. By December 2007 Kaity had enough, and she ended the relationship. A month later, he assaulted her at school and Kaity and her family got an injunction against harassment to help protect her. READ MORE>>>
AirTags Can Track Belongings, Also People
4-30-24 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by https://domesticshelters.org
When Apple released its new quarter-sized AirTag tracking devices in 2021 for the bargain price of $29, everyone who’s ever misplaced their phone, wallet or car keys recognized their value instantly.
So did stalkers and abusers. READ MORE>>>
How Survivors Have Left an Abuser for Good
3-29-24 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by https://domesticshelters.org
There are a multitude of reasons survivors may feel their only or best option is to go back. Among them, is hope that the abuser has changed or that things will be different this time. They may still feel love for the abuser, or fear children they shared with the abuser will blame them for separating.
It may also be one of these reasons READ MORE >>>
When 911 Can’t Find You
2-28-24 | By Stephanie Thurrott | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
Back when almost every call to 911 came from a landline, odds were good that first responders knew exactly where that call was coming from. But these days, almost three-quarters of U.S. adults use cell phones for all of their calls. And if you place a 911 call from a cell phone, it can be harder for first responders to pinpoint your location. READ MORE>>>
My Girlfriend Is Hitting Me
1-31-24 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by https://domesticshelters.org
Q: Sometimes when we fight, my girlfriend hits me. It doesn’t hurt, but I don’t like when she gets this mad. I try to ignore it because I’m not going to hit her back or anything. I’m just not sure if this is normal for a girl to do. This is my first girlfriend, so I’m not sure. I know it’s wrong for guys to hit, but what about girls? – A Boyfriend
Hey, Boyfriend, READ MORE >>>
What Is a Court Advocate?
12-29-23 | By Shelley Flannery | Published by https://domesticshelters.org
Navigating the justice system or family court process can be confusing and outright intimidating. Domestic violence survivors shouldn’t have to do it alone. Thanks to advocates in court, they don’t have to. Next, we answer some FAQs about court advocates. READ MORE>>
How to Escape an Abuser with Your Children
12-1-23 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by https://domesticshelters.org
You’re enduring life with an abusive partner when you decide it’s time to escape. But you have children in the house. The abuser tells you that if you take them, they will file a missing persons report and you will be accused of kidnapping. The abuser threatens that you will be arrested and will lose custody forever. READ MORE>>>
When Abusers Turn on the Charm
11-9-23 | By Amanda Kippert | Published by https://domesticshelters.org
Who doesn’t love someone who can charm their way through a dinner party with confident conversation, astute observations on the world and just the right amount of humor sprinkled in? You’ve found yourself a good one there, say jealous friends.
They’re smitten, just like you were, before you saw this person’s other side. READ MORE>>>
What is Verbal Abuse?
10-2-23 | By Amanda Kippert |Published by https://domesticshelters.org
Arguments are normal, even healthy, in a relationship. Unless you’re partnered up with a carbon copy of yourself, there are bound to be times when the other person makes a decision you disagree with, or a decision that inconveniences you, maybe even hurts your feelings. In a safe, healthy relationship, this can be discussed and, even if things get heated, the couple should eventually be able to reach a compromise that makes them both feel safe and respected. READ MORE>>>
How Police Are Trained to Handle Domestic Violence
9-4-23 | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org | YouTube video
Domestic violence has been found to constitute the single largest category of police calls in some cities. When police officers respond, they know the situation can be volatile for both them and the abuser’s victim. That’s because the killer in almost one third of female homicides is an intimate partner, and 22 percent of officer “line of duty” deaths in recent years occurred while responding to domestic violence calls. READ MORE>>>
I Thought I Knew What Domestic Violence Was
7-31-23 | By Shelley F. | Published by: https://www.domesticshelters.org
I thought I knew what domestic violence was. After all, I was working for a publishing company whose founder started Theresa’s Fund (the domestic violence nonprofit that created DomesticShelters.org). I donated out of my paycheck to the cause. Along with coworkers, I toured local domestic violence shelters to see where our money was going. READ MORE>>>